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So, folks, anything new?
As mentioned in a past blog, that’s my stupid intro line I’m using in correspondence these days. It’s bizarre but makes me chuckle and we can all use a good chuckle these days.
Considering our last blogs have been bleak, yet positive and supportive, we wanted to take this week’s blog post in an entirely different direction. We’re all heading into our fourth or fifth week of being locked up at home. Remember, this is a right thing to do to SAVE LIVES. We’re all doing our part and I’m proud of all of you.
We’re all seeing the posts on social media of all the great things our friends and family are doing to pass the time – decluttering the house, starting to do yoga, learning a new language, trying a new recipe, blah, blah, blah. Those are all good, but, to liven you up and make you chuckle, we’re taking these suggestions into another dimension. We’re going beyond the normal and jumping right into the ridiculous to give your friends and family something to really talk about, give you and your quarantine mates some good laughs and get you out of the Groundhog Day scenario we all seem to be stuck in these days.
Before I get right into it, our legal team requires us to post the disclaimer that this is strictly for entertainment purposes only. If you decide to employ any of these suggestions, it’s on you. Basically, if COVID-19 disappears tomorrow and you have to return to work with a mohawk, we are not liable. That being said, if you get to be back to work tomorrow, we’re confident no one is going to give a shit what your hair looks like.
Further, we are not trying to be insensitive. We understand the struggles and frustrations we're all dealing with but, we've all heard the saying, sometimes laughter is the best medicine. We all deserve a good laugh right now.
This blog is a list of suggestions that we’ve had some fun compiling. We’ve included who we feel each one is appropriate and inappropriate for under each heading. Some of these are just plain inappropriate to begin with, even pushing the boundaries of "offside", but it just adds to the fun!
To make things even more fun, Amanda, Michelle and I have each picked our favourite and we're awarding PRIZES for the best story, picture or video submission that you submit for that ridiculous thing to do! You’ll see a notification after the ones we’ve chosen as our favourites after each description. Some we do NOT want to see your pics, nor is it probably even legal to post them!
If you’re shy, you can email your submission to our team account at email@example.com with the subject line stating the ridiculous idea you took part in and are trying to win. But, keep in mind, if you do win, we reserve the right to post your submission as the winner on our Facebook page. For the more adventurous types, feel free to just post your submission in the comment section of this blog’s Facebook post, along with the idea title. Keep in mind, those that post in the public domain will get extra consideration!
If we select yours as the winner for that category, we’ll send you a $25 gift certificate to your favourite local restaurant so you can order in and celebrate your victory! You don’t have to be in Sudbury to win this as our clients, friends and family are stretched out far and wide. And anyone is eligible, so don't be shy to share this with anyone else who needs a laugh.
We will announce all winners on Saturday, April 25th on our Facebook page. So, if you already have big plans that day, you may want to postpone them......
Now, without further ado, let’s take this boring quarantine and make it ridiculously entertaining!
These days, we know there are plenty of people out there that might be skipping the daily shower routine. More often than in the past, you’re probably thinking “why bother?” You don’t have to smell good for anyone, your family has already seen you filthy on the couch before and it’s just such a chore to peel off those pajamas only to throw them back on again.
We disagree. Now’s the perfect time to address that boring and tired shower routine you’ve been using for years, or possibly even decades. Peel off those pajamas, get in there and mix it the hell up!
If you take hot showers, turn it to cold. If you use your right hand to soap up, put that luffa in the left hand and give it try. If you always wash your left armpit before your right, head to the right stink zone first. If you don’t use a luffa, try it.
Get way into the back of that shower caddy and grab that shampoo you bought at Dollarama three years ago that you thought sucked. Maybe it gets better with age! Speaking of shampooing, have any of us actually “repeated” like the bottle tells us? This is the chance to give it a whirl!
Warning – there are things you can’t or should not do differently. Don’t be stupid and try conditioning your hair before shampooing it. (p.s. – I can now confirm this doesn’t work). Don’t do a handstand to rinse your butt like one of my old hockey teammates used to do – not only could you hurt yourself, it’s just plain weird. And, yes, my buddy actually does this.
For obvious reasons, there are no prizes for this one and PLEASE refrain from submitting any pics!
Thinking about shaving? Full stop. That’s a hard no! Why would ya?
I skipped my first couple of shaves and the hassle of trying to shape my goatee. As it started to get increasily fluffy and incredibly white, Michelle said, “just let it grow”. She's right - why the hell not? I'm normally scary to kids but now they might think I'm Santa's older brother! As a bonus, it actually helped me with changing up my shower routine as well.
Gents, ever thought, “man, I’d probably look so cool in a Lanny McDonald stash.” Or maybe you’re just realizing you’re jealous of the guy with the beard braid on Tiger Kings. Or maybe you’ve seen some guy with crazy “chops” and think, “why would he think that looks good?” only to find out now you think it looks stellar on you! Run with it.
But we’re not just talking men and facial hair here. Let it all go. Go complete 60’s hippy style. Women – it’s time to pay the men back with those hairy legs scratching you in bed. Hell, at one time, armpit hair used to be sexy and, just like carpet used to be cool before everyone went back to hardwood floors, maybe that flowing armpit hair will make a comeback and you’ll be the one who gets to say, “I was doing it before it was cool again!"
Speaking of carpet……. Um, hard no. Won’t go there. Well, maybe I just did…..
There won’t be prizes for this one, but don’t by shy to continually send us your before/during/during/during/during (not sure how long till the “after” will come) COVID-19 styles!
But please do NOT share any flooring shots…..
Sticking with the hygiene theme, this one is fun for the whole family!
We all know what the Kris Kingle game is – you pick a name out of a hat and buy a gift for them at the office, classroom or family Christmas party. Lots of fun getting to see the reactions when people open their gifts!
This is the same concept but, instead of gifts, whoever’s name you draw gets to give you a haircut! But there can be no mirror used – that’s the element of the Kris Kringle surprise when the big reveal happens.
Ever wonder what dad would look like with a mohawk? How about getting the salad bowl out on mom for some past payback when we were kids? Sick of looking at your teenager with that gelled up “bedhead” look while you’ve always pictured him with a military brushcut?
It’s hair, it will grow back (apologies to all my bald friends out there). Like I said in the opening statements, if you get called back to work, no one is going to give two shits what your hair looks like after this and they’ll actually get a kick out of the “new you”. Don’t think for a second your hairdresser will get offended – they’ve probably been quietly hoping you’d finally change up that ‘do and they’ll love the challenge of creating something nice out of the mess your six-year-old gave ya.
NOTABLE EXCEPTION – as noted above, there may be some bald members of the family out there. They’re not getting out of this. Whoever is supposed to cut the hair of the bald person, gets to take all the other hair off the floor, including dog hair, and make them a wig that they have to wear. Use that shower cap from the hotel you grabbed seven years ago or grab an old t-shirt and make a bandana that you can glue on to. Whatever you do, don’t glue directly onto anyone’s scalp – no one needs to use paint thinner or Goo-Be-Gone as part of their new shower routine…..
Get the scissors out, grab that bottle of hairspray that’s been in the back of the cupboard since 1992, plug in that razor and away ya go!!!!
THIS IS MICHELLE'S FAVOURITE. SUBMIT YOUR BEST HAIRCUT PICS OR VIDEOS TO WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE. THE MORE PEOPLE INVOLVED AND THE MORE RIDICULOUS THE HAIRCUTS AND STYLES WILL GET YOU CLOSER TO THE WIN!
We all want a getaway right now. Oh, what we’d give to get away to another place in this moment and think about something else. Who doesn't want a vacation right now to get away from all the other quarantinites you’re stuck with?
I mentioned the hotel you visited in the last one, and it’s time you booked that mini vacation right now! There’s a way to do it with no booking fees, free cancellation and no long travel days.
Think of the guy on Price Is Right announcing this for ya during your Showcase Showdown:
“This incredible quarantine getaway will have you and your guest whisked away with roundtrip walk-fare from the master to your spare room where you’ll enjoy a two night stay in the shitty sheets you use for guests, barely enough shampoo to wash half your head, room service with microwaved dinners for two and the familiar feeling of ‘I packed way too much for this trip’ while you relax under the $10 dome light you installed from Home Depot. Pack your bags!”
Before your vacation starts, it’s of utmost importance to prepare your getaway bathroom. Take all the soap, shampoo and conditioner out of the bathroom and replace it with the smallest bar of soap you can find and a tablespoon of that shitty, 3-year-old Dollarama 2-in-1 shampoo in the shower caddy. If you don’t have a bar of soap you stole from a hotel, just grab that piece in the bottom of your soap dish that you didn’t get rid of when you put a new bar of soap on top of it.
You’ll also have to remove that triple-ply toilet paper you now have five year’s supply of and replace it with just standard loose-leaf pages. And, very important, make sure to put a hair somewhere on the pillows that you can find when you pull back the sheets.
Set your vacation departure time and date and start preparing. Grab that carry-on and throw some clothes in, pack up your shaving kit (but, remember, no Bic razors) and even throw in a bathing suit in case the bathtub turns into a pool for the afternoon. Also be sure to be late for departure by throwing in those extra shoes you “might” wear and that book you’ll never read.
If you have some older kids, let them operate the hotel for you. Set up a table outside the spare room door where they can greet you with a “whatever” attitude while they type on their phone, have them carry your bags and show you how to turn on the TV while they’re looking for a tip, call them when you need fresh towels (be sure they grab those ones way in the back of the linen closet that smell like they’ve been in the back of the linen closet for years) and even order room service (be sure to align your expectations to the kids ages – cereal for breakfast and Michelina’s for dinner).
Ah, finally getting away from it all. Time to kick back and enjoy cause, before you know it, you’ll be packing up and heading back across the hall!
As the days go by, you’re beginning to realize you’ve already talked about everything – twice. You can only share COVID-19 “breaking news” so much, you’re to a point where you don’t care about the meme their friend posted on Facebook and you just want to talk about something new.
It’s time to book a 2nd First Date at 5pm and then become the new you! Both of you! Or even all of you if the whole family is invited!
If you’ve ever watched Modern Family, Phil and Claire Dunphy do this every year for Valentine’s Day. They’ve created alternate personas for themselves and they play the role. Now as Clive Bixby, a travelling businessman, and Julianna, the local, lonely housewife, they dive into their new roles in hot pursuit of one another. The clip below shows you how to get started and also shows you how couples have to be careful with this one!
At noon, separate in the house and don’t talk to each other. Create a new character for yourself – anything. Spaceman, cowboy or even an astronaut-cowboy like Ashton Kutcher proclaimed he wanted to be on That 70’s Show. Spend the afternoon forming your character – when your next mission is, why you don’t like the colour blue, how your sister is married to the king of wherever, etc. Dig deep and be creative.
Now it’s time to get ready for the big date. After using your new shower routine, grab that cologne or perfume that has been in the drawer for ten years. Style up your new pink mohawk that your daughter gave you. Reach into the back of the closet and grab something you haven’t worn in ages. But, before you leave for the date, be sure to pre-order delivery from your favourite local restaurant for 7pm cause your new character is a shitty cook.
5:00 pm has arrived.
Of course, any good first date starts with drinks at a local, lounge style bar. We’ll call this lounge “the living room no one ever uses”. After getting to “know” one another, at 6pm you feel it’s time to head out to the restaurant for your reservation. When you arrive, as usual, your table isn’t ready, so you’ll have to nestle up to the bar for a pre-dinner cocktail or five. We’ll call the restaurant bar “the kitchen island”. After a little more chit chat (and a knock at the door that your food has arrived), you’re ushered to your table for dinner. We’ll call this "the dinner table."
The key to this is, like any other date, the more wine that gets poured, the more entertaining the conversation gets! But it’s important to NEVER break your character. Might even be a nice touch if the characters were from a land where people didn’t look at their phone every five minutes……
You can also do this with the family after the Cross Dress Closet Cleanout (coming up). But, if you keep it to just a Couple, and you play your cards right, you may just want to combine this one with the mini-vacay and/or Nudist Resort!
Our generation may be at a huge advantage on this one with our love for The Kids In The Hall. This awesome idea comes from a skit where Mark McKinney “crushes heads” of others while he sits in the shadows. But, it’s important to be careful with this one as there are different levels for this.
BEGINNER LEVEL – this is where you learn the art of head crushing.
You start by placing your thumb on the bottom and index finger on top slightly apart from each other. You’ve now created your very own head crusher. Put them closer to your eye (do not touch your face, of course) and then find your “victim”. This could be your kid with their back to you watching cartoons, it could be your spouse that’s shown you one too many Facebook memes, do it to your parents when you’re having a Facetime chat with them or even practice on yourself in the mirror.
Once your fingers are locked on the target, you just crush. Over and over again – crush.
As you can see in the quick tutorial below on the proper technique for head crushing, adding in rambling nonsense is also a huge asset.
INTERMEDIATE LEVEL – once you have created a large repertoire of successful head crushes, you can move into this next level of training.
Pull up a chair to the front window or, on a nice day, put a lawn chair on your front stoop or get out on the balcony. You’re now ready for multiple crushes and moving targets – the guy driving the delivery truck, the squirrel running through the yard or even try the more difficult “double crush” on the dog and the owner’s heads simultaneously as they walk by.
Don’t panic – all your previous training on your fellow quarantinites has prepared you for this stage! If you’re still uneasy about taking your head crushing out on the public, below is a sample to help you with moving targets and how to handle confrontation from a passerby:
ADVANCED LEVEL – this is where shit gets real.
Grab a worthy competitor, with preferably an equal head crushing skill set. This could be someone you’re quarantined with, it could be your neighbour across the street in their window facing back at you or it could even be your friend that you’re virtual messaging with. Start crushing. As you’re crushing, you can introduce rules like “can’t do it to someone driving a red truck” or “the person can’t have a hat on” or “you can’t crush someone who's head has clearly already been crushed”. You create your own penalties.
You have to be careful to not get too competitive here. Understand you’re both experienced and appreciate each other’s abilities. Below shows what can happen when people try to use different systems and clash over trying to use the same targets.
MIYAGI LEVEL – do NOT try this level until you are 100% sure you’re ready. This takes a lot of wax on, wax off to perfect. Any mistakes here could be very serious.
If you feel you’re ready, and only you can determine this, go to your utensil drawer and grab those chopsticks way in the back that came with your Chinese food order 12 years ago. Pull them out of the paper sleeve and separate them. To be classy and show great discipline, you will have to rub them together to remove any splinters to avoid giving your victims slivers. Now place them in your hand like you’re grabbing a piece of California Roll and crush!
JEDI’S BE WARNED – this is NOT an appropriate pastime for you. You may contain more of "the force” than you know, and the results could actually crush someone’s head. As you can see below, we don’t need any accidents here.
THIS IS CAZ'S FAVOURITE. SUBMIT YOUR BEST HEAD CRUSHING PIC OR VIDEO TO WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE. THE HIGHER UP IN THE LEVELS YOU GO, HAVING COMPETITORS IN THE SUBMISSION WITH YOU AND INCESSANT RAMBLING WHILE YOU DO IT WILL INCREASE YOUR CHANCES FOR VICTORY!
Ever notice that your pet seems to love their favourite spot – might be the doggy bed in the corner of the living room, maybe the back of the couch or maybe it’s the windowsill where your cat performs the daily neigbhourhood watch
Well, our lives have been upended at the moment, so why not pay it forward to your pet? Walk over to them all comfy in their favourite locale, kick them out of “their spot” and then curl up in it yourself. If they look at you in pure bewilderment, you got’em. Take that, Fido!
But, you have to maintain consistency to send home the message. If they simply ignore you and head over to another favourite spot, make like shampoo and “repeat” until you finally get the ‘WTF are you doing?’ look out of them!
Regardless, you’re likely to find out that their favourite spot needs a little cleaning and you’ll have to go back in to practice your new shower routine.
THIS IS AMANDA'S FAVOURITE. SUBMIT YOUR PET FAVOURITE SPOT STEAL PICS OR VIDEOS TO WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE. THE MORE RIDICULOUS THE LOCATION AND THE MORE PISSED OFF YOUR PET LOOKS WILL GET YOU CLOSER TO THE WIN!
I’d believe that over 90% of us have way more clothes in their closet than they ever wear. We all stick to our “basics” and, yet, we’re storing a war chest of “if I shed a few pounds” or “these might come back in style” or even the “I don’t even remember buying this” clothes that never see the light of day.
Grab your partner, and even the family, and get in everyone’s closet! You might be saving it thinking “I’m not sure, but I think this still looks good on me” about some items, but you may have a totally different opinion of it when you see it on someone else. Seeing that blouse on your husband with his beer gut, his new giant sideburns and the pink mohawk may help you realize “oh, that’s awful”. Once this image is embedded in your brain, there’s no going back – you’ll never consider wearing it again when you flashback to that visual and now you can finally give up on that dream of ever wearing it again.
Would you still want to wear the dress in the video below after seeing your better half doing this? Or maybe you might think it looks even better now?
Let the kids get in on it too! Kids love dress-up and have probably always wanted to try on your clothes. Roll up those pant legs for them, put a new hole halfway down that belt so it fits their waist and let them stumble down the hallway with those shoes that were off limits.
Why not combine this with the 2nd First Date idea for the whole family and everyone gets to design their new character from the wardrobe?
We definitely want to see these pics – don’t be shy! Guys, harness your inner Mrs. Doubtfire, get on that dress and throw on some blush. If Scott, the #BeardedLady can have the gonads to do it on live tv, surely you can put on a quarantine show for your wife and kids!
Gals, throw on that tank top that makes you cringe when he wears it and show off that fresh armpit hair. It’ll either make him throw it out or he’ll start the “armpit hair is sexy again” trend we were hoping for!
Folks, today’s a different world already. Gender and male/female were already passé before this happened. Embrace this brave new world and give it whirl! You just never know how gender neutral you actually were…..
THIS IS OUR TEAM BONUS PRIZE. SUBMIT YOUR BEST CROSS DRESSING FASHION SHOW PICS OR VIDEOS TO WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE. THE MORE PEOPLE INVOLVED, THE TIGHTER THE CLOTHES AND THE MORE BIZARRE THE STYLES WILL GET YOU CLOSER TO THE WIN!
Ewwww, nudists. That’s what most of us probably think in normal times.
We’ve all heard about the Hedonism resorts in Jamaica and, if you’ve been down there, the boat tours often take you by the beach where they all stand up and wave. If you haven’t seen it, do not picture a beach full of Playboy models and Chippendales – FYI.
There's no better time to see if you’re a closet nudist! Set the date and give it a shot!
The morning of “Nude Day”, hop out of bed, rip off the pajamas and get buck. Jump in the shower, using your newly refined shower routine, dry off and then burst out of the bathroom in your birthday suit and full confidence ready to face the day!
But, you should be aware that there are some things to be very careful about that you may not have realized. For instance, when you’re making breakfast, be very careful when making the bacon! Grease splashes hurt when you get hit in the hand, so you don’t want to find out where else this grease can splash. More importantly, you should close the blinds. The last thing you want to find out is your neighbour is working on their Intermediate Level of head crushing.
Also, like the Seinfeld episode, when he’s dating a nudist, there are forms of good and bad naked. This is NOT the day to pull out the power tools and tackle those DIY projects. If you work out, this is not the day to use the exercise bike or rowing machine. If you have a work conference call or you have a video call with your grandmother, you should probably reschedule “Nude Day” for another day.
Check out the clip below for a refresher on good and bad naked before you go “all out” with it….
Taking quarantining to the “nude” level will certainly be entertaining for all involved, but we’re NOT interested in seeing your pics celebrating your new lifestyle.
But, you never know, maybe you might wake up the next day and do it all over again while looking at next winter’s vacation at Hedonism. And think of the money you’ll save on laundry detergent!
We hope you’re having, or had, as good of an Easter weekend as possible and maybe even the holiday brought some resemblance of normalcy with egg hunts and nice dinners. As we’ve mentioned, and we all know, we’re in this for the long haul, so don’t let boredom or the Groundhog Day feeling creep back into your home after the holiday.
We've provided these ideas to loosen things up and to lighten up your lives. If you do go for it, do them safely. They'd be a great way to get out of your comfort zone and have some big laughs about it. You'll make time fly instead of feeling like it's lingering. You'll make memories you’ll surely look back on in years and howl at how much fun you were able to have through a trying time.
Just because you’re “trapped”, doesn’t mean your imagination has to be. It’s time to be fresh, try even harder to brighten everyone’s day and embrace the ridiculous. After all, we can all agree that we never knew just how ridiculous our daily lives would be today.
Stay home, stay healthy and be ridiculous.
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other salespersons, staff or affiliates of Realty Executives of Sudbury LTD. Brokerage, Realty Executives International, the Sudbury Real Estate Board, Ontario Real Estate Association, Canadian Real Estate Association or any of their subsidiaries. For any concerns pertaining to the content herein, please contact us immediately at firstname.lastname@example.org.