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What a difference a week makes in the world these days. Wow. Wow. Wow.
I know everyone is missing their dose of weekly Hockey Night in Canada, so I figured I’d give you a game to “watch” while you’re doing your part by staying home.
Unfortunately, I’ve been told I have a “face for radio”, so I’m not quite ready to ruin your quarantining or scare the kids with my ugly mug. With today’s current situation, I guess I’m going to have to get onto the Vlog program sooner or later.
Basically, this is a play-by-play of the big game. Think of this as similar to how our grandparents would’ve had to read about last night’s game in the paper during their break or riding the streetcar to INCO on their way to work. But remind yourself that their break at work was during overtime shifts underground or in the smelter producing massive amounts of nickel to support the war effort.
Your war effort includes reclining your lazy boy, cracking a cold beer and enjoying the play-by-play read below.
As I know there are plenty of Leafs fans out there, we know these are only the “cases we know about” as some of you Leafs fans live in “self-isolation” hoping to avoid others find out. Although I think it’s shameful to be a Leafs fan, I also have sympathy for you for the ongoing disappointment your team provides you. You should consider “social distancing” yourself from this organization so you don’t continue to suffer and spread this to others.
Now that we’ve got that jab out of the way, we’ll use the familar Harry Neale and Bob Cole for the analysis and play-by-play.
Here we go…..
Neale – Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the biggest game of the year here in Canada! This is a single game, winner takes all, versus the visiting COVID-19. As you can see, the stands are empty, as the new way things are, but we’re here to bring you all the great action! What do you think about tonight’s matchup, Bob?
Cole – Thanks Harry. You’re right, this is the biggest game of the year for Team Canada. COVID-19 has swept its way through Asia, basically dismantled any team it faced in Europe and is now on the North American leg of its tour.
From what we’ve seen from COVID-19’s play so far is they are elusive, they’re wiry, they seem to be able to be in multiple spots at once, trying to contain them has proven a major problem for all their opponents and they just continue to score with utter dominance. Player wise, they’re not much different than the other skaters on the ice, but it seems their opponents' goalies can’t seem to stop the pucks.
Neale – Ya, they’ve been an impressive powerhouse, Bob. So what does Canada have to do to beat this team?
Cole – As of late, Canada’s forwards have been awesome. They’re grinding it out deep in the opposing team’s corners trying to win those battles. The defense has been rock solid – holding the blueline and making sure the forwards and goalie are supported.
The problem with Canada is not unlike any other opponent COVID-19 has played recently – goaltending. The goalie seems to be playing selfishly and, although says they want to win, seems to be playing like they just don’t care.
Neale – You’re right, Bob, opposing goaltenders have been making the COVID-19 team look better than they are.
Let’s go down to Sheila in the tunnel who has the coaches from both teams for a quick interview before we hit the ice. Sheila?
Sheila – Thanks Harry. I’m standing here with the COVID-19 coach, Novel Corona. Coach Corona, what do you see as the game plan for this game tonight?
Corona – Hey Sheila, our game plan has been the same no matter who our opponent is. We just keep pushing it down the ice as quickly as we can and wait for the other team’s goalie to blow it for them. It’s worked every time so far.
Sheila – Seems simple enough, Coach Corona. Good luck tonight.
Coach Corona – Thanks, Sheila, but we don’t need luck.
Sheila – Now we’ll move over to the Team Canada coach, Coach Trudeau. Your opponents have been on a roll lately. What’s the game plan for this winner takes all match?
Trudeau – Thanks Sheila. Tonight is our most important game ever. I’ve never seen our forwards so focused and ready to pour on the offense against COVID-19. Our defense is tight and is ready to support our forwards out there while holding that blueline. We just need to settle our goaltender down as they seem quite anxious and might be underestimating the importance of this game.
Sheila – Looks like you got your work cut out for you tonight, Coach Trudeau. Good luck tonight.
Trudeau – Thanks Sheila, we’ll need it.
Sheila – Back to you, Harry!
Harry – Great work, Sheila. What do you think, Bob?
Bob – Well, Harry, both coaches just reiterated everything we said. This game is two powerhouses that will come down to the goaltending.
Harry – We’ll see soon enough, Bob. Let’s cut away for a quick commercial break and drop the puck when we get back. It’s going to be a great game, so don’t change that channel!
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Neale – And we’re back, Bob. The teams look ready and the puck is about to drop. Here we go!
Cole – Canada’s center wins the draw over the winger. Canada gets it in deep into COVID-19’s zone and begins to cycle. COVID-19 steals behind their own net, but Canada’s forwards seem to be grinding them well down low…..
Neale – Bob, look at Canada’s goalie. What are they doing?
Cole – Canada’s goalie is skating through the neutral zone and past COVID-19’s blueline. This is bizarre, and now the goallie is even calling for the puck with their stick in the air.
Neale – But Canada doesn’t even have the puck, Bob!
Cole – That’s what takes it from bizarre to just plain stupid, Harry. COVID-19 gets free behind their own net, fires a shot the length of the ice and it trickles across the goal line. COVID-19 SHOOTS, IT SCORES!!!!
Neale – Wow, Bob, with so much riding on this game, what was the goalie thinking?
Cole – Harry, all I can think is that the goalie didn’t think COVID-19 could score from there.
And here we go again. Puck is dropped and Canada again wins the draw. The forwards get it deep, cycling it with blue line and they get a good shot on net. Puck rebounds into the corner and is picked up by COVID-19 who it takes it behind their net…..
Neale – Bob, look at this. What is happening?
Cole – Canada’s goalie has skated to Canada's bench and is having a beer and high-fiving with the backup goalie. In the other end, COVID-19 has seen this and fires it down the ice. COVID-19 SHOOTS, IT SCORES!!!!!
Neale – Seriously, Bob, I hate to swear on the air, but what the hell is going on with Canada’s goalie?
Cole – I’m not sure, Harry. You can see how frustrated the forwards and defence are getting with the goalie’s behaviour, but they’re too nice to get angry with him. All the hard work they’re putting in to have it all unravel due to the goalie acting like an idiot must be so frustrating.
Neale – Agreed, Bob. They’ve lined up again center. Canada’s only down 2-0 and still lots of game left.
Cole - They drop the puck and Canada, again, takes control. The break-in is flawless and they’re applying a lot of pressure on COVID-19 deep in their own zone. Canada cycles down low and gets a quality shot off from the high slot. COVID-19 gets the rebound, turns and fires it down the ice.
Neale – Bob, where the hell is Canada’s goalie?
Cole – COVID-19’s shot crosses the goal line. COVID-19 SHOOTS, IT SCORES!!!!
Neale – Bob, we just received an Instagram post of Canada’s goalie standing in a jam packed checkout line with 10 packs of toilet paper! What are they doing?
Cole – I don’t know what’s going on, Harry. But, with Canada now down 3-0, we’ve hit the end of the first period.
Neale – Well, that is not the start Team Canada wanted. After all the hard work by the forwards and defence, COVID-19 was still able to score three easy, basically uncontested, goals. What happened, Bob?
Cole – Pretty simple, Harry. As we saw leading up to this game, Team Canada’s goalie isn’t playing seriously or with passion. It doesn’t seem to understand the magnitude of this game.
Neale – During this intermission, Bob, let’s take a look at Team Canada’s lineup.
Cole – Well, Harry, let’s start with Team Canada’s forwards. These are an exceptional crew of hard workers. The forward core is made up of all of Canada’s doctors, nurses, scientists, public health officials and governments. This crew has really shown up ready to perform. There’s no quit with this forward crew.
Neale – What about the defence, Bob? See any issues there?
Cole – Quite the contrary, Harry. Team Canada’s defensive core is as rock solid as it gets. Canada’s backstop is made of all the truck drivers, suppliers, grocery store employees, pharmacists, farmers and everyone else that is essential to keep the country moving at this time. Like the forwards, they’re simply “no quit” and doing everything they can support the goaltender.
Neale – I agree, Bob. So let’s look at the issue – Team Canada’s goaltending.
Cole – Well, Bob, Team Canada’s goaltender is the people reading this and the rest of the people in Canada. As we’ve mentioned, the goaltender is having difficulty understanding the importance of this game. The goaltender is being selfish and really letting the team down on all fronts here.
Neale – I’m guessing it won’t be long until Coach Trudeau stops his polite treatment of this goaltender and really lays down the law that he won’t be happy with. What do you think, Bob?
Cole – You’re right, Harry. The goalie is not going to like the thrashing he’s going to take from the coach. But anyone can see, if the goalie keeps acting like this, Coach Trudeau will have no choice.
It’s really surprising actually, Harry. The goalie has one job – stay in the crease, protect the net and stop the easy ones. All it has to do is let the forwards do their work trying to inflict some offensive damage on COVID-19 without letting these easy goals pile up to a point where they can’t get back into the game. It’s pretty simple, but the goalie just doesn’t seem to get it.
Neale – No kidding, Bob. I’m sure he’ll get it the hard way when there’s 10,000 goals past him and Coach Trudeau brings down the hammer on him.
Will be back for the second period after this brief message……
Hey readers – get it yet?
There is still lots of game left and we still have a chance to win this one if the forwards and defence can count on their goalie to do their job.
We ARE the goalie and the "net" is our home.
Unprecedented moments like this require unprecedented blog language to get it through to you:
Amanda, Michelle and I made an announcement earlier this week that we have temporary halted all in-person real estate activities to protect our clients, our families and our community. I have been in contact directly with out board asking them to make this a board-wide initiative. It takes a great amount of courage to be some of the first to step up and do the right thing in these unprecedented times. Whether others decide to follow suit is their own decision, but we’ve chosen to do the responsible thing and we’re proud to do our part for the community.
But we are still here and we can do almost anything from a distance for you. Whether you need advice on your personal housing situation, or you still need to buy or sell, we can do it all and ensure you’re protected all the way through. We’re also here to make a coffee and chat any time if you just need some Facetime during the isolation we all should be doing by now.
Never hesitate to reach out to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for anything you need. We’re here to help in any way we can. If you want to burn some time in isolation, you can check out all the MLS™ listings here, search for that camp you’ve always wanted here, check out all our other great blog topics full of tons of tips and advice for you to do during your time at home or just check out our website for tons of great info on buying or selling in Greater Sudbury.
Stay healthy and stay home.
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